Khalid Nassar – Week Two
At 9 months old, Khalid seemed to be a happy, healthy baby,
just as the other children had been. As far as Mrs. Nassar was concerned, in
any case. In general, she had provided her child, she thought, all that she had
her other children. She wasn’t able to notice the many mornings she sat staring
straight ahead, hearing the distant cries of her newborn. There were mornings
when it was literally painful to get out of bed. Sometimes, Khalid would cry
for hours until he wore himself out.
Mrs. Nassar was able to notice in herself feelings of
regret, rage, and guilt at the fact that she had lived while her family had
died. If only things had stayed the way there were! She would not be in this
situation, and she wouldn’t have to be living in the country that she held responsible
for the killings.
* Write a developmentally appropriate narrative for the two
girls (10 and 11) and the little boy (8) about having a new brother.
* Write a developmentally appropriate narrative about how
Mr. & Mrs. Nassar might have explained to their children why they had to
come to the U.S.
* What should Khalid be doing physically, cognitively, and
emotionally at 9-months of age? Are there aspects of his development at this
point that we might legitimately expect to be “culture bound?”
* What is the effect of maternal depression on the infant?
DECISION POINT
* Does Mrs. Nassar avail herself of Western mental health treatment? In other words, does she go see a professional counselor, clinical social worker, or psychiatrist? Outline her hypothetical thought process given the decision you make.
We were all very scared coming to America. Vania and I especially could see the fear and anxiety on our parents’ eyes, which only made us feel more uneasy. Our parents continued to tell us that it was all for the best and that we would like it in America; that the children were nice and we could still go school and make new friends. My father kept telling me, “Rukia, you will love it! We will all be able to be very happy and safe!” I was especially excited about school, I love learning new things! I knew that it would be different and I would probably have harder time learning since our English is not the best. But my father made sure to tell me that the schools were really good and they would help us all very much! I was a little more worried about my sister, Vania and my brother, Kathem, as we made the move to America. They were both always a little shyer than I am and I don’t think that Kathem really understood what was going on.
ReplyDeleteOnce we got to America, we had a few more surprises, good and bad than we could handle. When Vania, Kathem and I found out that our grandparents had been killed, we were very upset, especially Kathem who didn’t understand why they couldn’t just come visit us. Kathem hid his emotions well though, he just kept quiet and to himself like he usually did and I don’t think that my parents really noticed much of a difference.
When we all started school I was very excited, of course; but my attitude quickly changed as I was overwhelmed by the amount of work and the lack of help that I received from my teachers. I felt lost in my class and although my teacher Mrs. Finny always asked how I was doing, she never really seemed to have enough time to help me with everything I needed. Although I felt defeated, I worked as hard as I could to keep up and eventually I started to get the hang of my school work. I always had to work twice as hard as everyone else, it seemed, but I didn’t mind. I was very happy for Vania too! She seemed to make a lot of friends in her class and even though she told me her work was hard, she said her teacher Mr. Marley was very nice and always helped her! Kathem on the other hand I wasn’t sure of. He never seemed to talk to anyone in his classes when I would walk by his class on the way to music; and he didn’t say much about school when he got home except that it was ok.
After Khalid was born the house became more and more busy! Father had found work and said that he liked his job as a delivery truck driver. Mother on the other hand didn’t quite seem the same as she was before. I could tell that she loved Khalid, Vania, Kathem and I but I know she was tired. She would always seem so sleepy sitting in the kitchen while we ate breakfast; and sometimes she would be so sleepy that she didn’t hear Khalid crying. Vania hated the sound of Khalid crying and would go over to his cradle and talk to him to calm him down but we were only there early in the mornings and at night really.
I love my little brother Khalid, but sometimes I think that it would be much easier if it were still just the five of us. I think that Khalid makes mother very tired and she doesn’t really have time to help Vania, Kathem and I with school work, so we have to do almost all of it on our own. I miss the days when Mother would smile all day and give us big hugs before we left for school and the second we walked in the door! I think that mother having Khalid has changed all of that and I am not sure if we will all be the same.
ReplyDeleteVania loves Khalid! I am not sure why because she always gets upset when mom ignores him crying, but she happily goes over to him and talk to him. She tells me all of the time that she can’t wait until she is a little bigger so that she can play with him more. She said that it would be just like having a doll, except this one would actually work without batteries! When she would ask me if I would want to play dolls with her, I would always say no because I knew she was talking about Khalid and I know that Khalid makes mother too tired to play with us. Vania just scrunched up her nose, shook her head and skipped away to talk to Khalid.
Kathem, on the opposites, didn’t seem to mind either way if Khalid was around or not. I would ask him if he wanted to play with Khalid and he would say no, but then when I asked Kathem if he didn’t like Khalid and he said no then too! He told me that maybe he would be more fun when he stops crying so much.
Sometimes I tell father that I wish that it was just still the five of us, but he always tells me that you should never wish that and that our family is the best thing that we have. He doesn’t hear Khalid crying all the time though. Maybe Vania and Kathem are right? Maybe Khalid will be more fun when he gets bigger. I guess we will just see!
2. As your parents, we want to make sure that you all are always safe. We decided to move to America because our family was not safe back home in Iraq. The people who were in control were taken over by a very bad group of people. These bad people started hurting people who did not believe in the same things as them, which is why we no longer felt that Iraq was a safe place for our family to live. In America we don’t need to worry about bad people coming after us because of what we believe in and the things we do each and every day.
ReplyDeleteJust like your Mom and I are a little bit scared about living in a new place, we are here to make sure and to help you feel comfortable in this new home. We know that you all are probably feeling a little bit afraid with all the new things that are going on, but we know that everything is going to work out just fine. You will be able to do all the activities that you enjoy, and just like back at home, you will make a new group of friends. The children at school are going to be very nice and they are going to help you learn a lot of new and exciting things! The schools here have many activities that you all will love like sports, art, and band, so you each will find something to do that you enjoy.
Coming to America is going to be hard for each of us in this family but we are going to be here to help each other. Even though it might seem like a lot of things are different, a lot of the things in America are the same as they were in Iraq. Rukia, you will still be able to go to book club with your friends at school, Vania, you will still be able to do paintings with your friends, and Kathem and you will still be able to play baseball with the boys on the street. Our new home is going to be safe for each of you, and even though sometimes new things might be a little bit scary, this is going to be very new and exciting for all of us!
3. Khalid is now nine-months of age. During these past few months and into the upcoming months Khalid will be advancing in many areas. One of which would be his motor skills. According to the Mayo Clinic “By this age, most babies can roll over in both directions – even in their sleep” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2011). While at this developmental stage some babies need assistance to sit up, some are have the ability to sit up on their own. Scooting and crawling across the floor is also not an uncommon motor skills acquired at this developmental stage.
ReplyDeleteAround seven to nine months many babies are able to grab objects with one hand and make the transfer to the other hand or up toward their mouths. As reported by the Mayo Clinic, “Pulling objects closer with a raking motion of the hands will give way to more movements, such as picking up objects with just the thumb and forefinger” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2011). These skills will help with babies’ ability to handle a spoon for feeding.
During this developmental stage, Khalid will begin teething. The first tooth most likely to break through is one of the middle teeth on the lower jaw. According to the Mayo Clinic “babies may start drooling more than usual and chewing on just about anything” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2011), because of the incoming tooth.
In addition to physical and motor developments; cognitive developments will appear around this time period as well. Babies begin to communicate through sounds, such as laughing and squealing, gestures and facial expressions. At this age babies may respond to their own name or repeat sounds they hear. The Mayo Clinic states “babies this age can distinguish emotions by tone of voice.”
At nine-months of age this is when babies start to become guarded around strangers. As stated by the Mayo Clinic “Your baby might resist staying with anyone other than you, shunning even grandparents or familiar baby sitters” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2011). This may be an issue for Khalid because he most likely isn’t getting any attention from his mother because of her depression and little interaction with other people. When Khalid starts interacting with people other than his family members, he may have difficulty. He is only familiar with the way his family looks which is different than most of the people in their community.
Many times professionals find that children from other countries raised by parents born outside the U.S. have delays in development that turn into larger problems down the road. ERIC Clearinghouse on Disabilities and Gifted Education claims, “Families of children of diverse cultures (and languages) may not identify a certain series of behaviors or symptoms as being descriptive of a ‘delay’ or ‘disability’ (Valdivia, 2001). Many times professionals find that families of diverse backgrounds use Western medicine along with home remedies, or alternative practices to help their children.
Mayo Clinic Staff, (2011, August 02). Infant development: milestones from 7 to 9 months. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infant development/FL00100
Valdivia, R. (2001, September 23). The implications of culture on developmental delay. Retrieved from http://www.doh.state.fl.us/alternatesites/cms kids/providers/early_steps/training/documents/impli ations_of_culture.pdf
Decision Point: Does Mrs. Nassar avail herself of Western mental health treatment? In other words does she go see a professional counselor, clinical social worker, or psychiatrist? Outline her hypothetical thought process given the decision you make.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Nassar has decided that although it is not typical of a devout Muslim that she is going to avail herself to Western mental health treatment. Mrs. Nassar has tried practicing prayer in her home
to relieve her depressed state of mind, but she is still not her old self. Mrs. Nassar feels that practicing prayer in her home might not be working for her since it is hard for her to tap back into the excitement and joy that she once had for her pregnancy. She believes that this may be the reason why Allah is not answering her prayers. Mrs. Nassar is still thinking about old memories and experiencing negative thoughts, how they have lost their family, which is making it a challenge to have a positive attitude and to return to her old state of joy.
Although Mrs. Nassar wants to set a prime example and raise her children with strict Muslim beliefs, she also wants to be able to raise them with joy and excitement. She suffers from pain and has no motivation to even leave her bedroom to cater to her Khalid. As a result of her continuously thinking about her family dying she has intense feelings of guilt, rage, and regret. Mrs. Nassar knows that her children are starting to notice that she is not the way she used to be. She wants to be the loving, caring, enthusiastic mother that she knows that she can be for her family, which is why she decided to go to see a professional counselor. She is going to see a counselor first since medication do not coincide with her faith and spiritual beliefs, and she would prefer to use a more therapeutic strategy.